Post #11

Hello? Hello? I'm over here!

The Crone Chaos Report · Subject: Human Behavior · Assessment: Predictably Ridiculous

They say one of the best superpowers a person could have is invisibility. You can go anywhere you like, do anything you want without getting caught or being accountable. Sounds amazing doesn’t it? I can see you’re shocked to learn that I, The Crone have this superpower. BUT it’s not cool it’s complete and UTTER bullshit and Hollywood’s never going make a superhero move out of yours truly being ignored constantly. Asking for directions somewhere? The Crone knows it’s best not to bother. At work everyone gets a “how was your weekend?” but me? I just don’t exist.

The ugly truth is my status as a perimenopausal woman gave me this so called gift. I don’t like being the center of attention but whatever this is, is a pendulum swing too far. I mean people look right through me like I’m a ghost or something. Or they stare like they’re some fugue state then turn away. ARGH WHY?!!

I wish I was alone in this but I’m not. The World Health Organization says that by 2030 there’ll be around 1.2 billion women who have gone through menopause. That means 1.2 billion of us right now are trudging through the trenches of hell. And almost ALL of us are invisible (unless some scumbag wants us to do something for them like we’ve got door mat written on our foreheads).

Nobody sees us. Not society. Not our doctors. Not even our partners (I’m getting prodded by Tatter Cloak who says he’s not included in that). Not our children and families. So we have that Monkey’s Paw version of a superpower - totally twisted and unrecognizable and we can’t give it back. So I’ve sat in my group huddle with my Sister Crones at our weekly meet-up and asked, “why are we invisible?”

I personally think it’s Mother Nature’s (traitorous bitch) way of saying. “Your baby-making functions are broken, it’s that way to the scrap heap, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” But hang on! The last egg hasn’t even dried up in our ovaries when the invisibility begins. It can’t just be because our looks fade or we start looking frumpy or something. Do we suddenly start to smell different?

Well fuck me silly and call me Sandra. We ACTUALLY do. First of all as hormone levels decline, so do the pheromone levels and our body odor changes too. It might not be obvious but society and men in particular can smell us like we’ve passed a sell by date. The ‘no more sex here, all out of eggs’ sign has gone up and WHAM BAM NO THANK YOU MA’AM. We’re less attractive because we’re no longer receptive. Like we want to be receptive to a bunch of limp dicks anyway! I think men who don’t like women of a certain age hate being reminded of their own declining virility. Like I said, LIMP dicks.

Our bodies have decided for us but we can reclaim the message. Just because I don’t want to bonk you to make babies, doesn’t mean I’m finished with bonking. (Well in my case that’s a sore point and a rant for another day), but the fact is. CHOICE EXISTS and I exercise mine. So should you.

Now, due to my barren field of fucks, I’m not shy about speaking up for myself. A bit louder for those in the back. I SPEAK UP for me. I will not be ignored because I’m no longer considered sexy enough. Yeah well, I’ll remind Barry at work with his nose hair tarantulas, comb-over and beer belly that’s he’s not the hot ticket he thinks he is either. Especially when he moans about all the grey roots he sees on the women! And they say menopause makes women deluded? Looks like Barry could do with a dose of invisibility because I’m sick of looking at his FUGLY mug.

But as Aretha F would say… R. E. S. P. E. C. T. and mine goes out to all of you. Now let’s burn those cloaks of invisibility for good.

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